Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
