Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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