Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
