Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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