hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
