what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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