Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
