Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
