We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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