i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
