I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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