By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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