somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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