why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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