I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
