It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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