remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
