I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
