You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
