It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
