yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
