After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
