Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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