So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
