I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize