I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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