thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
