operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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