I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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