I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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