you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
