to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
