its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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