dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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