You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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