It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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