Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
