My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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