I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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