for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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