White coat. Heels.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
