so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my being single is dangerous.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
