it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
