I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
