She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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