She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Randomize
