The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
