Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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