Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
