Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
handjob tips. give me some.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
