You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize