Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
