I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize