the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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