What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
