There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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