ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
