How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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