Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
