Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have feelings that need drinking.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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