South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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