Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Four minutes until I can fart!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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