I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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