No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
