Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize