I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just made out with a guy for $7.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
