my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
