took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
