Dude my mom stole all your condoms
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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