i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't like sucking hair
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
