I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
