I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
