Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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