I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
