she smelled like a LAN party
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
