ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had to coat check the pizza.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
