What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
