hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
