Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
