me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Randomize
