birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
