I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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