found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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