Will you blow on my dice?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
