omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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