I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
