Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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