i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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