Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
