dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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