He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
