I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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