Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
