Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dick has a subreddit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
