I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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