Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
