Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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