I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i already hear my dad disowning me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
