Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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