how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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