My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize