It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so let's talk penis.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
