is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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