Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
