Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
