my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
