people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
