just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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