I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize