As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
