I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
