i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
