She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
