i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
