They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
