we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
