I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
