i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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