We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize