I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
